Episode 1 - With My Hand

From FaBWiki

With My Hand is the first episode of Loids are Not Christmas.

Original Broadcast Date June 6th 2008

Runtime: 14:10

Cast

Stephen Georg as Ninten and Ness

Benjamin Carignan as The Narrator, Lamp, Baby Doll, Ninten's Mom, Pippi's Mom, Mama Canary and Jeff Andonuts

Martin Tovar as Minnie, Pippi, and Paula Polestar

lewahi as Shopkeep, Canary Guy, Zombie and Prince Poo

Transcript

BEN: Well, because we didn't have time to write the season finale this week, what we did is we decided we would give you all the treat of Mother 1/ Earthbound Zero Fobbies are Borange. Because we know you all wanted it; we're doing this for you. We decided, you know what? We don't need to write this week, we should take a week off and totally do some Mother 1 instead.

MARTIN: Mm-hmm.

BEN: Guys, we're gonna ruin this game so badly, (in whiny voice) it's gonna suck so bad! You're gonna le- you're gonna hate us. So, pretty much-

STEPHEN: Yeah, it's probably gonna be pretty terrible-

BEN: Pretty much-

STEPHEN: But, i think- i think everyone knows that even if we screw up, FaB will continue and be...not sucky.

MARTIN:Yeaaaah...

BEN: (laughs) Next week. Guys, we're completely doing this off the top of our head, like, we don't have a script.

MARTIN: No.

MUHAMMAD: No, we don't, to be honest.

MARTIN: And two of us- wait, lewahi's the only one who's actually finished the game.

BEN: I finished the game.

MUHAMMAD: No, Ben finished it. I'm the one who's finished it more than once.

MARTIN: Wait, Ben, you finished the game?

BEN: Yes, I finished the game.

MARTIN: Oh. Whatever.

STEPHEN: Heh, for those that- for those people who want some spoilers, I have actually never beaten, um, Mother, and I've actually never gotten past the first time you get to Magicant, where you have to, like, go into a well, which is likea half an hour in the game,..

MARTIN: Yeah, it is.

STEPHEN: ...So, um...so just because I know so much about the game, I'll be playing the role of Ninten...

(laughing)

STEPHEN: ...it'll go down swimmingly.

BEN: It will. So, are you guys ready to do this?

MUHAMMAD: I'm ready! I am so ready...to...kill this game.

MARTIN: ...Eat your cake.

BEN: (laughs) Well, this is...Fobbies are Borange, episode thirty...five...point five?

MARTIN: N...no...

STEPHEN: This is not Fobbies are Borange. This is...

MARTIN: This is just not Fobbies are Borange.

STEPHEN: ...Loids are Not Christmas.

BEN: ...Loids are Not Christmas? (laughs) ...I like that, I like that. Alright, Loids are Not Christmas, part 1 of 2.

MARTIN: Maybe.

BEN: Here we go.

{M1 Title Screen}

NARRATOR: In the early 1900's, a dark shadow covered a small country town in rural America. At that time, a young married couple vanished mysteriously from their home. The man's name was George; the woman's name was Maria. Two years later, as suddenly as he left, George returned. He never told anyone where he had been, or what he had done, but he began an odd study all by himself.

As for Maria, his wife...she never returned.

{FaB Theme, cuts out just before the "Fobbies are Borange" is said}

{House}

NINTEN: Oh boy! I just got out of bed! I love bed.

{NINTEN'S HOUSE IS HAUNTED NOW music}

NINTEN: Oh snap! It's a lamp! Oh gosh, what should I do? I'm gonna hit it...with my hand. ...Grrururrur!

LAMP: Aggghhhughruauaahaaghrg i'm dead.

NINTEN: ...I did it. I- I'm so glad.

MINNIE: Ninten, help! My dolly's being all mean to me...again.

NINTEN: Don't worry sister, I can do this for you! Ummm...I'll hit the doll with my hand. Take that, doll.

{Victory music}

{House}

MINNIE: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay here's some orange juice.

NINTEN: I sure do love orange juice. Orange juice is great because the initials are O.J. like that guy.

BABY DOLL: Urk...ack...I'm a baby doll!

NINTEN: Oh yeah, the bab- what's this inside the baby doll? Oh, goodness. What is this?

BABY DOLL: (to the tune of the 1st melody) Waa waa waa waa waaaaaaaaa!

NINTEN: ...Uh, I don't really know what that was, but I...I heard it. Okay. Let's go downstairs.

MINNIE: 'Kay.

NINTEN'S MOM: Oh, Ninten! How are you? You should go downstars and get your grandfather's book!

NINTEN: Okay, lady. Mom. I forget you're Mom sometimes, I'm sorry.

{spooky music}

NINTEN: Well, this is it, the big event. My basement. Crazy. I read that they don't have these in the South. All right, let's see...Oh, look, grandfather's journal!

{sound plays}

NINTEN: That...that sound means I got it.

{Pollyanna}

NINTEN: Um, okay, let's see here...um...Oh look, some lady! Hey lady!

PIPPI'S MOM: (sad) Oh, Ninten! I lost my daughter, she got kidnapped by ZOMBIES!

NINTEN: Okay. What do you want me to do?

PIPPI'S MOM: Can you find her?

NINTEN: I can punch the zombies.

PIPPI'S MOM: Please, punch them with your fists and hands please!

NINTEN: Shut up! I'll go do that.

PIPPI'S MOM: (quiet sobbing)

NINTEN: All right, I'm on the way to Podunk! It's like that song...podonk-a-donk...podonk...I talk to myself.

{Graveyard music for a second, then cuts to shop theme}

SHOPKEEP: Hey man, welcome to my shop. What you want here?

NINTEN: Hey! I was wondering if I could buy this bat.

SHOPKEEP: Okay, this bat costs 1,756 dollars.

NINTEN: Okay, I have...that much...if you look at my fist...closely here...i'mma punch you now...

SHOPKEEP: Heh heh, uhh, how about instead of that, I give you this canary! It is...uh, it's a canary! It's awesome! Take it!

NINTEN: Oh, okay. Yeah, that's cool too. Gimme that...bird. Please.

SHOPKEEP: Take it! Please. It annoys me every day.

NINTEN: Thank you, sir. Thank you.

SHOPKEEP: Thank you!

NINTEN: Okay, bye.

{Pollyanna}

NINTEN: Well, I guess now that I have this canary, that I will follow this sign that says "To Canary Village". That's where I should go. Here I go. I'm walking.

CANARY GUY: I am ze man who owns zis Canary Village. Who are you?

NINTEN: My name is Ninten, and I've... I have this canary that the man at the store gave me here.

CANARY GUY: Oh my goodness! It's the lost baby canary! How...this is amazing! It's incredible! You must find za mazza!

NINTEN: That'll be fifty dollars.

CANARY GUY: Screw you, go to za mazza!

NINTEN: Okay, I'll go to za mazza.

CANARY GUY: Mother.

NINTEN: Mother. Where a- where is she?

CANARY GUY: Err...that's your job to find, man.

NINTEN: Okay. Bye.

MAMA CANARY: *tweet tweet tweeeet*

NINTEN: Oh! I hear something with my ears!

MAMA CANARY: *tweet tweet*

NINTEN: It's so freaking annoying, I wish I had a gun! My god!

MAMA CANARY: (sad) *tweeet tweeeet*

NINTEN: Okay, I found it, look! Here it is! Shut up! The heck is wrong with this bird?

MAMA CANARY: *tweeeeeet*

NINTEN: Okay, enough with the friggin tweets!

MAMA CANARY: I want my baby *tweet*!

NINTEN: Oh, here's your baby. I found it.

MAMA CANARY: Oh my god, you found my *tweet* baby *tweet*!

NINTEN: Is that what you wanted?

MAMA CANARY: I want my baby *tweet*! I just want my baby *tweet*!

NINTEN: I just gave it to you!

MAMA CANARY: Thank you! I'mma sing a song!

NINTEN: Okay.

MAMA CANARY: (to the tune of the second melody) *tweet tweet tweet tweet tweeeeeet* That's it.

NINTEN: Okay, well, that was fun. But I guess I should probably go find the...um, the zombies...with the Pippi.

{graveyard music}

NINTEN: And the music got all scary. I guess that means I'm in the gra...yup, I have eyes. This is the graveyard.

ZOMBIE: I'm a zombie! I'm going to kill you!

BEN: BASH!

ZOMBIE: Aaaaiiiieeeeaaaaahahhhhhow!

NINTEN: Dead? Dead. Dead?

NARRARATOR: Ninten...

PIPPI: Oh, hey, uh, hey, look there, okay, you know what? Um...you know what? You know what? um...what (cuts out) and, uh, I'm really happy, because you're (cuts out again)

NINTEN: Oh, Pippi. Hey! Hey Pippi!

PIPPI: Hey.

NINTEN: Sorry I wasn't paying attention to you, but there you are! Hold my hand and let's walk back through the graveyard to the place. Come on, go with me. With me.

{Bein' Friends}

NINTEN: Okay, so where do you wanna go? We have Buffalo Wildwings, Burger King, or...

PIPPI: 'Kay, no, um, actually I just wanna go home, 'cause I've got lots of work to do.

NINTEN: Okay, let's do that then.

PIPPI: 'Kay.

NINTEN: We'll go through the drive-thru.

(The part of the episode that was later omitted.)

{record scratch}

MUHAMMAD: That was...special.

{Chaos Theater}

PAULA: Drinks are on me!

JEFF: Ahem.

PAULA: I mean, um...or waters.

JEFF: Um...yeah.

POO: That sounds great!(?) Some water after that piece of crap!

JEFF: ...Yeah, Poo. That...that was really nasty.

PAULA: Oh my god, what did we just watch?

POO: That was horrible!

NESS: (in Ninten voice) Okay.

PAULA: Ness, you told me we were going to Stomp. What the heck.

NESS: (in Ninten voice) Yeah!...(in Ness voice) Yeah. This is Ness.

JEFF: Thanks, Ness.

NESS: Hey guys, do you remember my name? It's Ness. Hold on, let me spell it for ya.

JEFF: That...

NESS: N-E-Z-Z-I-Z-L-E. Nezzizle!

JEFF: Anyway, kids, get the crap off the stage before I blow you up!

NESS: Okay.

JEFF: I wasn't talking to you, Ness.

PAULA: Yeah, he was talking to those guys.

POO: You stink!

PAULA: The guys who look just like us, but not as...16-bit.

{file select music}

NARRATOR: And so, the Chosen Four were at the Chaos Theater and saw some kids sing songs. And they sucked. Next time on Fobbies are Borange, we write the script and we do an episode, on...

{fobby music}

NARRATOR: ...Fobbies are Borange.

MUHAMMAD: Oh my god.

BEN: (singing with the song) I'm getting fired from radio.

EVERYONE: Uh, what, um, er...

MUHAMMAD: I don't know what...

STEPHEN: That went...amazingly well.

MARTIN: Actually, that did.

STEPHEN: No, I'm lying, what are you talking about?

MARTIN: It went better than, like, the last two minutes of the old show.

STEPHEN: Well, better than Ask a Fooby in its entirety.

MARTIN: Well, yeah, pretty much.

STEPHEN: Well, um...

MARTIN: Let's just write the script, okay?

MUHAMMAD: Yeah!

BEN: Like, right now? On radio?

MUHAMMAD: Write the script on radio?

BEN: Hey guys, let's write the script on air.

STEPHEN: Hang on, I'll go to Google Docs. Alright, so were were we last? We're going to the Starmen base this time, right?

EVERYONE: Yeah.

MARTIN: We have to go to Winters first.

BEN: Why are we going to Winters?

MARTIN: Because you have to teleport to winters, and then Tony's like "Oh my god, Jeff! Where's Jeff?" Oh no, Tony-

BEN: COME ON AND WHIRR, OUR BODIES WILL TRANSFER and then drop you from the call.

{skype noise}

BEN: Fobbies are Borange, episode...not an episode. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Notes/References

• Loids came about because cast member Stephen Georg was in Wisconsin visiting Mallory Weir and was not able to help write a script for Fobbies are Borange (for some reason the rest of the crew is incapable of writing without Stephen). It was decided to do an improvised version of Mother 1 as this did not require any preparing.

• There are two versions of this episode. Originally the episode was released in its entirety (and was about 17 minutes long), but a few weeks later was re-released in a shorter format (14 minutes). There was a few minutes in the original version that couldn't even be understood due to Skype problems, which is the reason for the change.