Episode 3 - It's Not Christmas, Loid!
From FaBWiki
It's Not Christmas, Loid! is the third episode of Loids are Not Christmas. It marks the first appearance of Loid.
Original Broadcast Date: July 11th, 2008
Runtime: 13:13
Cast
Stephen Georg as Ninten and Ness
Benjamin Carignan as Old Lady, Flying Man, Loid, Man, Grotesque Man w/ Beard and Four Nipples, and Jeff Andonuts
Martin Tovar as Queen Mary, Schoolboy and Paula Polestar
lewahi as Forgotten Man , Schoolgirl and Prince Poo
Transcript
NINTEN: I AM SO EXCITED.
KATON: Yeahhh, let's go!
NINTEN: Poopy!
{M1 Title Screen}
NARRATOR: Last week, on Loids are Not Christmas, um....we killed an alligator.
NINTEN: I killed a rhino!
NARRATOR: ...An alligator. And then, Ninten liked seashells. Because--
NINTEN: I'ma creepy boy!
NARRATOR: That's how he rolls! And let's follow his cute little adventure again here today, as he enters Magicant on...
{FaB Theme}
NARRATOR: Not this theme song. ... {to the music} We're...gonna do...a thing.
NINTEN: Baloney.
EVERYONE: LOIDS ARE NOT CHRISTMAS!
LEWAHI: {high-pitched voice} Loids are Not Christmas!
{Magicant}
NINTEN: Well, I guess I'm here again! Like I never left 'cuz I didn't.
OLD LADY: Hello, little boy. You should go visit the queen in the castle-thing up there.
NINTEN: Thanks, Grandma!
OLD LADY: I'm not that lady.
NINTEN: Have some dentures, bye! Okay, I'm going to the castle. I wonder if there are--
{Wisdom of the World}
QUEEN MARY: Hi?
NINTEN: Okay.
QUEEN MARY: I guess, uh, there you go, yeah...okay, hey kid, um...
NINTEN: Are you high?
QUEEN MARY: No.
NINTEN: 'Cuz you sound like it.
QUEEN MARY: Okay, yeah, um, okay, here's the thing. Um, you know how sometimes you, uh, you get a song stuck in your head and it won't go away?
NINTEN: No, that's never happened to me my entire life.
QUEEN MARY: Okay... it happened, so I think you should go and--
NINTEN: You want me to hit it with my hand?
QUEEN MARY: Uhh, yeah. That might be good.
NINTEN: Okay.
QUEEN MARY: Okay, bubye.
NINTEN: Bye.
{Magicant}
NINTEN: I think I-- okay, I guess I left. I have to get the melodies...in my head to...make the gun. So let's go!
FLYING MAN: Oh, silly Ninten. Do you know where you're going? Do you know what you're doing?
NINTEN: Y-y-yes?
FLYING MAN: Do you?
NINTEN: No.
FLYING MAN: I believe you've played this game before, sir, and this next part may be a little difficult, so if you'll just take my hand I can guide you on this adventure to find--
NINTEN: I can find the well myself!
FLYING MAN: No, I don't think you can.
NINTEN: I can! For God's sake, let go of me! I will...scream rape.
FLYING MAN: Oh, very well. Enjoy your adventure in not finding the well ever.
NINTEN: Shut up. It's THIS one. ...It's not this one, son of a gun. Okay, how about this one? ...Mother-- okay, how about this one? ...This is also not the one. Maybe it's this one...
{Basement}
NINTEN: I think I found it!
FORGOTTEN MAN: Ohhhh, everyone hates me.
NINTEN: Why you so blue, panda bear?
FORGOTTEN MAN: Everyone hates me. I am the Forgotten Man, please forget about me, I should not exist.
NINTEN: Okay.
FORGOTTEN MAN: And then since you've forgotten about me I shall leave. Goodbye.
NINTEN: Alright, see ya.
FORGOTTEN MAN: Bye.
NINTEN: Who was that guy? ...Oh! I forgot. {laughs} It was a joke and-- who am I talking to? ...I can leave?
FORGOTTEN MAN: Yeah, you can leave. I already left.
{Pollyanna}
NINTEN: Okay, I'm out of that wherever, whee! Okay, where the- where the heck am I-- YOUNGTOWN! I think is where I am. I wish someone would talk to me.
MAN: WELL, HEY THER-
SCHOOLGIRL: Hey, mister. How are you?
NINTEN: Heyyy, where am I?
SCHOOLGIRL: You're in Youngtown and I am a student at the school!
NINTEN: How old are you?
SCHOOLBOY:: Wait...um, I thought we were in Merrysville.
SCHOOLGIRL: We are in Merrysville! I am an idiot. That's why I get F's.
SCHOOLBOY:: Yeah. Pretty much.
SCHOOLGIRL: You should with me to school and make sure that I get A's, please.
NINTEN: Okay, let's go! I'm going with you, because that's where the plot progresses.
{Twinkle Elementary School}
SCHOOLGIRL: Welcome to school!
NINTEN: Alright! I have this feeling like I'm supposed to go...to the roof. I think.
SCHOOLGIRL: {i have no idea}
NINTEN: Okay, well bye.
SCHOOLBOY:: Okay, bye.
NINTEN: I'm gonna walk up these stairs because I'm assuming to get to the roof of a school you would need steps.
SCHOOLBOY:: Yeah, It's right there.
NINTEN: Let's pretend I that climbed the-- I'm at the top, I'm on the roof!
{Pollyanna}
NINTEN: Um...look a trashcan!
LOID: {giggling}
NINTEN: Hey, there's a boy in it.
LOID: Haha, a boy in a can. {giggling}
NINTEN: That's what my dad said when I was in the bathroom all the time.
LOID: {giggling}
NINTEN: Shut up, I don't-- who are you?
LOID: My name-- WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?! My name is Loid and I'm, I'm, I'm...
NINTEN: It is not Christmas, Loid!
LOID: I knoooww, but ahhuuu...
NINTEN: What the heck are you doing in my game?
LOID: I'm chilling here, and uh...I like to blow things up and the people don't like that and they're like "oh, you're expelled because you like to blow things up--"
NINTEN: Your story is boring me. What do you want?
LOID: A...a bu...a bu...a boom...boom-bomb...bomb.
NINTEN: A Boom-Bomb. What the heck is a Boom-Bomb and is it made in Taiwan?
LOID: Yeah.
NINTEN: Let's go to--
LOID: But you can find one at the FACTORY!
NINTEN: Oh.
LOID: Yeah, I can't go because I'm in class but I'm not because I'm in a trashcan.
NINTEN: Okay. Well, I'm gonna leave and find the Boom-Bomb.
LOID: Okaayyy.
NINTEN: I'm leaving.
{Wisdom of the World...then Twinkle Elementary}'
NINTEN: I...I'm in the school.
SCHOOLGIRL: Hey, did you see that kid? He's so stupid, I wanna punch him!
NINTEN: I also agree, but I have to get him a Boom-Bomb, so I have to book a flight to Taiwan.
SCHOOLGIRL: Oh, you don't need to do that.
SCHOOLBOY:: Yeah, there's some Boom-Bombs in the chem lab.
SCHOOLGIRL: No, there's not.
SCHOOLBOY:: No, there is. I think.
SCHOOLGIRL: No, there's not.
SCHOOLBOY:: {angry} YES THERE IS!
SCHOOLGIRL: It's in the factory.
SCHOOLBOY:: ...Oh.
NINTEN: Okay, well, you obviously have each played this game. I'm gonna go to the factory!
SCHOOLGIRL: Yaay!
NINTEN: I don't know where the heck that is.
SCHOOLBOY:: Uh, it's right over there...I think.
NINTEN: I'm walking. I think, am I there yet? Will there be a backgorund music change?
{Pollyanna}
NINTEN: Okay, I'm outside! Heck yeah! Okay, I'm up at the factory now. I'm opening the door.
{Factory}
NINTEN: Listen to that factory music that's...that inspires the workers. Okay, let's see I should find a boom-bomb.
{Battle with a Formidable Foe}
GROTESQUE MAN W/ BEARD AND FOUR NIPPLES: Uuuraaarraarrrrhh!
NINTEN: Oh crap! A...large grotesque man with a beard and four nipples! No!
MATCAB: Gross.
GROTESQUE MAN W/ BEARD AND FOUR NIPPLES: I give up, that's not even close. Whatever, dude.
{You Won!}
NINTEN: Good thing I'm blind.
{Factory]
NINTEN: Okay, now where am I gonna find the bottle rocket, because that is also synonymous with Boom-Bomb. ...Is this it?
SFX: Doodadadaa!
NINTEN: I guess this is it. Oh, goodie! I'm gonna leave...please.
{Pollyanna}
NINTEN: I'm outside...walking back to the school. Wonder what direction that's in.
MAN: Uh, dude. It's over there. It's the way you came, it's like the only way you could possibly go.
NINTEN: I'm gonna go THAT WAY. I'm walkin'.
{Yucca Desert}
MAN: Oh, dude. You went the wrong way.
NINTEN: Oh, I actually have no control over my directions.
MAN: Turn around.
NINTEN: My legs are the...party members...of my youth. Okay, to the school, legs!
{Twinkle Elementary School}
SCHOOLGIRL: Welcome back, sir!
NINTEN: Hey, creepy kids. ALright, I am a big man and I gotta go up.
SCHOOLGIRL: We're so sorry to hear that.
NINTEN: I gotta go to the roof.
SCHOOLGIRL: Good luck.
{Pollyanna}
NINTEN: Okay, here I am. Hey, kid in the trashcan!
LOID: Buzubebubu.
NINTEN: Limo...Loli...LOID. That's right, Loid. Here's you Boom-Bomb.
LOID: Oh my god! You got it for me! You're my best friend!
NINTEN: I know, shut up.
{Level Up}
NINTEN: Get it and get out of the trashcan, you smell like my uncle.
LOID: Okay, uh. Can you wash me?
NINTEN: Can I wash you?
LOID: Uh-huh.
NINTEN: With my spit?
LOID: No, with your hand.
NINTEN: Can I wash you with my hand? I could go to jail!
LOID: Oh. Okay.
NINTEN: Okay, are we ready?
LOID: Uh-huh!
{Twinkle Elementary School}
NINTEN: You sound constipated.
LOID: Oh, man. Oh, let's go to the chem lab real quick. Kay?
NINTEN: Alright, let's go.
LOID: They- they banned me from there, but I'm going anyway.
NINTEN: That's not good, but okay.
LOID: LET'S GO!
NINTEN: Are we there yet?
LOID: No.
NINTEN: You're the one walking in front of me.
LOID: I'm walking but it's taking--
NINTEN: I see that.
LOID: We're getting there, okay?
NINTEN: This is a long way for a radio show.
LOID: Alright, we're there!
NINTEN: Okay.
LOID: Alright, alright, alright. Gimme the boom-bomb. Gimme the boom-bomb!
NINTEN: Here it is.
LOID: GIMME THE BOOM-BOOOOOOOOMB!
NINTEN: You're a little too excited.
{Sky Runner Explosion}
NINTEN: Okay, I'm assuming that you blew it up. I can't see because I'm blind.
SCHOOLGIRL: Oh nooo.
NINTEN: ...By science.
{Chaos Theatre}
JEFF: {sighs}
PAULA: Is it over?
JEFF: No, we have to turn around the laserdisc.
PAULA: Oh. Okay.
POO: That was such an exciting episode, I was so glad to see it! Let's watch the next one!
JEFF: No.
PAULA: What are you talking about? That sucked!
POO: That was amazing!
PAULA: No.
POO: Did you not see the acting? It was superb.
PAULA: You know what? No.
NESS: {snoring} ...Huh? {yawns} Sorry, I was sleeping. What's going on?
JEFF: This was important and you missed it. All of it. {scoffs} Screw it.
KATON: Come back later for, uh, Loids are...thing, whatever.
MATCAB: Thing with the thing.
{FaB Outro}
KATON: {singing along} This song isn't even in MOTHER. We should probably make a new outro. And an intro too.
