Episode 4 - Ana and Levi Meet Ana
From FaBWiki
Ana and Levi Meet Ana is the fourth episode of Loids Are Not Christmas, and it marks Ana's debut.
Original Brodcast Date: August 22nd 2008
Runtime: 18:19
Cast
Transcript
Martin: (tiredly) Yaaaaaayyy...
Stephen: I’m so excited!
Ben: Okay. This is Loids Are Not Christmas, number...letter 4.
Martin: Yeah.
(“Mother Earth”/intro music)
Narrator: Last time on Loids Are Not Christmas, Ninten blew up stuff. And by Ninten, I mean Loid. Oh, silly little...spaz. Anyway, Loid joined the party when Ninten found him in a garbage can, and Loid wanted to be washed. However, that’s not important because we are trekking on in our journey-adventure here today, on...
[“Fobbies are Borange” theme music]
Everyone: LOIDS ARE NOT CHRISTMAS.
Martin: On the second...day.
Stephen: Wheeee~!
(Merrysville School theme is playing)
Ninten: OKAY, LOID.
Loid: Haii-alright. Ninten.
Ninten: WHAT SHOULD WE DO?
Loid: I-I think we should go outside.
Ninten: ...we’re not outside?
Loid: No. We’re in the school.
Ninten: Oh. Sometimes I confuse buildings with outside because one time when I was at home my mom hit me and then I could not... remember--
Loid: (hysterical, obnoxious laughter) ...Oh, sorry. What?
Ninten: Anyone ever tell you you laugh like an idiot? Because if they didn’t, they should’ve.
Loid: (whining) Wauuuuuuuughghh...
Ninten: Just tell me where to go.
Loid: (crying/whining) ...outside...
(“Bein’ Friends” is playing)
Ninten: Let’s go.
Loid: We’re outside now.
Ninten: Oh, we’re here.
Loid: (whining)
Ninten: So...
Loid: So, um, this place is bad and, uh, you know, there’s a guy named Duncan and he’s, like, “I’m gonna turn Merrysville into a strip joint. And stuff.” And, uh--
Ninten: (interrupting) WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT.
Loid: Um. I don’t know. It might be because of, like, 2. I mean, 5, or, I mean...
Ninten: I HAPPEN TO LIKE THE NAKED PEOPLE. AND I THINK THAT THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT KIND OF SOCIETY IN AMERICA TODAY.
Loid: But should they really be making, like, a city out of that, Ninten?
Ninten: AN ENTIRE CITY OF NAKED PEOPLE WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL.
Loid: ...you suck. I...AM FROM A VERY CONSERVATIVE FAMILY NINTEN.
Ninten: (interrupting/speaking at the same time) BUT, OKAY. FOR THE GOOD OF THE WORLD, AND JESUS, LET’S GO GET RID OF IT.
Loid: FINE. (brief walking/pause) ...Hey, I see the factory, Ninten.
Ninten: LET’S INFILTRATE IT BECAUSE THAT’S THE WORD THAT’S LOOSELY DEFINED HERE.
Loid: (bizarre gasping noise) OHMIGOSH, Ninten!
Ninten: WHUT IS IT, LOID?
Loid: There’s a dog in front of the door!
Ninten: PET IT. QUICK.
(battle music)
Dog: WOOF WOOF!
Ninten: It’s a bad one!
Dog: GRRRR.
Loid: (cry of agony/fear/???)
Ninten: I WILL PET IT WITH MY HAND BUT IN A CLOSED, FIST-LIKE POSITION.
Dog: (sounds like a cat)
Loid: He sounds like a cat. (nasally laugh)
Dog: (growls meanly)
Loid: Oh I’m so sorry...
Ninten: WELL I’D PET A CAT IN WHICH CASE I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO LIKE KITTIES.
Dog: (more cat noises)
Loid: Eh, OH I GOT THE BOOM-BOMB, STILL. I GOT THE BOOM-BOMB. (slurring words excitedly) Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on...
Ninten: MY GOD LOID YOU DON’T WANT TO KILL AN ANIMAL.
Loid: HOLD ON.
(explosion)
Ninten: YOU CAN GO TO JAIL FOR, LIKE, TWO MONTHS.
Loid: ...Oh, really?
Ninten: YOU KNOW HOW LONG TWO MONTHS IS IN JAIL? LONG ENOUGH TO GET RAPED AT LEAST SIX TIMES.
(victory music/level up)
Loid: Hey, we leveled up! Yaaaaay.
Ninten: Man, the music is so pretty.
(Duncan’s factory theme music)
Loid: Uh, hey, we're at the factory, Ninten.
Ninten: ...WELL, LET’S DO WHATEVER IT IS WE’RE DOIN’.
Loid: We’re gonna find the, (stammering) the, the, the, the, the, the… OH RIGHT, UM. WHY WERE WE HERE, AGAIN?
Ninten: ...SOME’N...'BOUT...NAKED.
Loid: NOOOO...It’s about the rock in front of the, the, the, the railroad, Ninten. GOSH.
Ninten: OKAY. (speaking slowly) WELL WHY DON’T WE USE EXPLOSIVES TO CLEAR THE LANDSLIDE OFF OF THE TRAINTRACKS?
Loid: Okay! I can read too.
(“Pollyanna”/outside theme plays)
Loid: ...OH WAIT That’s wrong, we went the wrong way.
(Duncan’s factory theme)
Loid: Okay. OKAY. Let’s go!
Ninten: That’s okay. Sometimes I accidentally walk outside of buildings, too.
Loid: I do it all the time.
(walking time/interlude/pause)
Loid: OKAY.
Ninten: I’m assuming you’re going to blow it up because I have no knowledge of explosives...
Loid: I, don’t, it’s down the hall, do you see it? It’s so pretty!
Ninten: ...YEAH I see the hallway, some’n, okay, go ahead. You go first.
Loid: OKAY. OKAY. HERE WE GO, I’M LIGHTIN’ IT!
Ninten: THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW. I CAN SEE.
Narrator: MEANWHILE...
(“Pollyanna”/outside theme)
(explosion)
(Duncan’s factory theme)
Loid: OKAY, it blew up. Let’s go back. I wanna see what happened!
Ninten: ...sure.
(“Bein’ Friends”/outside theme)
Loid: OKAY. We’re there.
Ninten: Alright, I love there!
Loid: Yeah-hooooo!
Ninten: There is my favorite place, next to here.
Loid: Okay, okay, let’s, let’s, let’s go down the track.
Ninten: OKAY, LET’S DO IT...TODAY.
Loid: OKAY. We’re there! Okay, we're at the, we’re, it’s the train station, Ninten!
(train station/shop music)
Ninten: You know, sometimes when I’m at a train station there’s a passing thought in the small brain I have to RIDE THE TRAIN.
Loid: ...really?
Ticketer: It will cost you one-hundred dollars to ride this train.
Loid: That’s stupid! It should only cost forty!
Ticketer: Okay. I’ll make an exception. It will cost you forty dollars. Just because you’re kids.
Loid: I LIKE TWO. WHY NOT TWO?!
Ninten: ...THAT’S AMAZING. CAN YOU DO THAT AT WAL-MART?
Ticketer: If you have a gun.
Loid: Ha, I have one of those!
Ticketer: Then you can do it at Wal-Mart!
Ninten: ME TOO.
Loid: AT WAL-MART! OKAY, LET’S GO!
Ninten: Nevermind...
Loid: We’re goin’ to Snowman, because... it’s Snowman.
(“Paradise Line”/train music)
Ninten: ...ARE YOU SURE WE’RE GOING TO SNOWMAN?
Loid: No.
Ninten: BECAUSE ALL THE SIGNS ON THE TRAIN SAY REINDEER.
Loid: Well, they’re stupid.
Ninten: ...are you sure?
Loid: ...yeah.
Ninten: You know, you’re 100% sure because you kinda have a slight indentation in your cheek that gives me the impression that you may not understand where we’re actually going.
Loid: I-I know where we’re going, Ninten. Come on. Uh...
Ninten: Okay, Loid. I’m trusting you like I trust my mother with a hammer.
Loid: Uh-huh. Hey, do you like this pretty hat I found under my seat? It says “Ana.” MY NAME’S ANA. ‘Cause I’m wearing the hat.
Ninten: OH. My name’s Levi, ‘cause I’m wearing the jeans.
Loid: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I’m gonna wear this Ana hat. It’s purple. And pretty.
Ninten: You...you are pretty. Have I ever told you that?
Loid: No.
(store theme/train station)
Ninten: ...Well, I lied.
Loid: Hey! We’re in Snowman.
Ninten: ...I’m really confused about the transitions here. I mean, just a minute ago I was on a train and suddenly I’m in a city. I mean, normally, I’m up on these things, but...
Loid: Nope.
Ninten: This was fast.
Loid: Nope.
(Snowman music)
Loid: Hey, we’re outside.
Ninten: We’re...where were we before?!
Loid: We were inside the train station, Ninten!
Ninten: Oh yeah, that’s right. I forgot. ‘Cause sometimes I have lapses of blindness.
Loid: OKAY, LET’S--
Ana: Um, excuse me.. guys? Uhm...
Loid: HI.
Ana: Hi, um, my name is Ana and I live in the house right over there and we’re having a communion right now because we just finished our prayer ritual, so if you’d like to come, it’s totally free for everybody and there’s free pie and punch all over the place so... If you’d like to — we -- I’d really love it if you could.
Loid: HOLD ON.
Ninten: I’M CONFUSED AS TO WHY IN A SEA OF STRANGE VOICES THIS GIRL SOUNDS NORMAL.
Loid: ...HOLD ON. MY NAME IS ANA! Not yours!
Ana: Bu-- wait a minute! That’s my hat! I totally lost it, like, two days ago. Give it back to me!
Loid: NO, it’s mine, I found it!
Ana: No, no, HEY, no! Just -- GIVE IT TO ME! NO!
Loid: (girly scream)
Ninten: And no one questions why the hat was left for two whole days and a strange hobo-man did not take it.
Loid: Okay FINE, take your stupid hat back!
Ana: Hmm, alright, yeah, that’s right. Thank you. I’m sorry, it’s, it’s all that I have left now. Ever since my...house was eaten by the fire...monster.
Loid: That's so sad.
Ninten: I hate it when houses are eaten by fire...
Ana: I know...it happens (is drowned out by Ninten’s voice, sounds like "every summer?")
Ninten: ...monsters... Monsters fire (laughs)
Ana: They need to, it’s, it’s, it’s just, it’s too much. For me.
Loid: ...you look weak. Let’s fight Bigfoot!
(battle music plays)
Ana: ...wait. What? What’re you guys doing?!
Loid: It’s Bigfoot! Can’t you...
Bigfoot: Rawr, I’m Bigfoot!
Ana: ...Oh, God. Oh, God. This is a really, really bad idea, you guys. Um, I don’t even know, wait, I don’t even know who you are.
Loid: I’m, I’m Ana, hello?
Ana: Oh, yeah.
Ninten: I’M PRETTY SURE THAT IT WAS CONFIRMED MAYBE TWO WEEKS AGO ON THE LOCAL NEWS THAT BIGFOOT WAS FOUND IN SOME KIND OF VALLEY OR SOMETHING AND IT WAS A RUBBER SUIT. SO THEREFORE WE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO ACTUALLY FIGHT ANYTHING BECAUSE IT’S PROBABLY MADE OF LATEX.
Bigfoot: Rawr, you’re right. You got me.
(victory music) (Snowman theme)
Loid: ...well, that sucks.
Ana: Oh my God, we totally won! That was awesome, you guys!
Ninten: Mother 1 is the only game where latex can talk.
Loid: We did win. Hooray, Ana!
Ana: I know! Me Ana, not you Ana.
Loid: I was, I was talking about ME. Hello?
Ana: Oh, anyway, so, um, uh, what brings you to the big city, here? ’Cause, you know, not many people come here.
Loid: Uh, I don’t know, but, uh, we’re going back.
Ana: ...Oh. Okay, um. Oh.
Loid: Let’s go! We’re, we’re going back on the train.
(store/train station music)
Ana: But, wait, I’m... I, d-do you have to leave so soon? I mean...
Loid: Yeah.
Ana: ...You sure?
Loid: You can come, too!
Ana: I ca-- Really? Can I really?!
Loid: No... Maybe...
Ana: ...please?
Ninten: CAN WE DECIDE WHAT’S GOING ON? I’M LOOKING AT THIS LOOSE SCRIPT AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE.
Ana: My aunt has, has a...
Loid: FINE.
Ana: ...No.
Loid: Fine, Ana!
(Ana-joins-the-party music)
Ana: My aunt has a house in Spookane and we can go there and, like, you know, like, chill in the hot tub or something. If you guys want to, maybe.
Loid: FINE. Let’s go to that place.
Ana: Alright.
Loid: ON THE TRAIN TO SPOOKANE—-!
Ninten: ...Did anyone notice that the word “Spookane” has “poo” in it?
Loid: (laughs with Ana) No.
(“Paradise Line”/train music)
Ninten: Which is not only a reference to, like, the poop, but also to a character in a game that would be the sequel to this even though none of us are in it.
Loid: I’M IN IT.
Ana: I’m not allowed to play video games.
Loid: I’M ANA.
Ana: ...I’m Ana.
Loid: ...No.
Ana: I’M Ana.
Ninten: I’M ANA. WOULD YOU SHUT UP?! LET’S GO.
Loid (and Ana?): (hum-dee-dums along with paradise line music) There were three little nuggets, swimming in the bowl, so I flushed one and now it’s gone!
Ana: (laughs)
(train station music)
Loid: Okay, we’re in Spookane.
Ana: Okay. So. Wait...
(“Bein’ Friends”/outside theme)
Ana: Are you sure this is the right place? The music sounds kinda different from the last time I was here.
Loid: Well...this is...what they have.
Ana: Oh. But, there’s a zombie eating somebody over there.
Loid: But nooo, they’re eating the-
Ninten: IT’S A HAPPY ZOMBIE. SHUT UP ANA. LET’S GO.
Ana: I’m—I’m sorry...!
Loid: Guys, look! Look! It’s a creepy house! Wanna go in the house?
Ana: Yeah!
Loid: Okay!
Ninten: NO TALKIN’ ABOUT IT, JUST DO IT.
Ana: Okay! Okay!
Loid: Ninten, why are you so mean?!
Ana: Come on...
Ninten: I WORK FOR NIKE. JUST DO IT.
Loid: FINE.
(creepy house music)
Ana: ...my aunt’s place is scaring me...(gasps)
Ghost: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~ gooo baccckkk...I am a ghost...
Ana: Oh, my God! I can’t take this!
Loid: Uhh...
Ana: (crying) Oh my God...
Ninten: So...are we here to get a key, or some bread or somethin’?
Loid: Raisin bread?
Ghost: Whoooooooooo~
Ana: I don’t know...
Ghost: Go back, there is no fourth melody in this house. Go baaaack!
Ninten: Okay, well, I see through your reverse psychology, you intelligent little ghost, and I know that there’s probably a melody, which is number four in a, a set of group of melodies that we have to collect to hear.
Ghost: Woooooooo~ you’re smart...
Loid: Ninten knows the game.
Ana: The voice is coming from that room over there.
Loid: OKAY LET’S GOOOO!
Ana: Okay. I’m not scared anymore.
Loid: Really?
Ana: Yeah.
Loid: It’s ‘cause your name’s Ana. Like mine.
Ana: Yeah, I... that must be it.
Ninten: GUYS I THINK SOMETHING’S TOUCHING MY HEAD.
Ghost: Wooooo~ that was just meeeeee!
Loid: OMIGOSH!
Ana: Oh, my God, get out of here!
Ninten: I DON’T KNOW, IT’S MUCH PRETTIER THAN A GHOST!
Ana: Get out of here; your house smells like cat pee.
Loid: HEY. NINTEN. THERE AREN’T CATS IN THIS HOUSE.
Ninten: GOOD. THAT’S WHERE THEY BELONG.
Loid: They belong outside? That’s mean. Anyway, DUDE, ANA, YOU COME FROM A CHURCH, THAT MEANS YOU PLAY PIANO.
Ana: Oh, yeah, I totally know how to play Chopsticks and Heart and Soul and all that stuff.
Loid: Great, great, there’s one right there! Right there!
Ana: Oh, my God! Okay, alright, I, okay. This is a new piece I’ve been working on, and it’s a comment about commercialism and containment in west, um...
Loid: Nile Virus?
Ana: ...my backyard.
Loid: Oh.
Ninten: I was, yeah, I was really expecting Nile Virus, good call, Loid.
Ana: Well, I mean, I’m open. Alright, so here goes...
(fourth melody)
Ana: ...It’s a crappy piano.
Loid: That was, uhh...
Ninten: Tha-That was actually pretty cool for the piano to make the noise like I would make with my...mouth.
Ana: Yeah?
Loid: Yeah. Uh-huh.
Ana: So, let’s get out of here.
(outside of TV land)
Jeff: Paula, you didn’t have to freakin’ PK Fire the TV.
Paula: You know what? I am tired of this crap, okay? Shouldn’t we be saving the world or something?
Jeff: No!
Paula: ...yeah! ...Wait, wait, is it over?
Jeff: You PK Fired the TV.
Poo: Don’t worry, friends, I have the rest of it on other videos and tapes and stuff.
Jeff: Yaaay.
Paula: Poo, you come from Dalaam. Do they even have TV there?
Poo: You never know. We have to...
Ness: (yawn) Oh, wait, are we still watching this?
Paula: Yes.
Poo: Yes, friend.
Jeff: Wow, way to care about history, Ninten...Ness.
Paula: You... Oh.
Jeff: ...Mom.
Paula: Yeah.
Ness: Dad.
Poo: They even mentioned me in the movie, I am so happy!
Paula: Poo, I’m pretty sure it was a coincidence. There’s a lot of poo in the world.
Poo: You never know.
Ness: You know, we really should not be just, like, sittin’ around watchin’ movies, guys. I mean, we’re almost to Giygas...and we’re technically robots right now.
Jeff: ...that’s true.
Ness: Talk about a weird kinda...plot, weird-Kohls?-weird-goin’weird-on-weird.
Paula: Eh? What the...
Jeff: ...Kohls?
Ness: Kohls. Kohls. Do all your shopping there. I like it.
Jeff: At Wal-Mart. Anyway, I think we should get back on our adventure thing.
Paula: Okay, let’s go.
Poo: OH HO!
Narrator: AND SO, the chosen four continued watching the journey and...Ninten didn’t talk much. I think he ate a kitten. Anyway, find out what happens-
Ninten: MEOW.
Narrator: Eventually. On the next inciting, “inciting,” exciting installment of LOIDS ARE NOT CHRISTMAS!
xfis: Are you ready to be incited? Kids, get incited!
Matcab: What is going on…?
xfis: YOU COULD GO TO JAIL, for like, TWO MONTHS. THAT’S ENOUGH TO GET RAPED, like, SIX TIMES.
(burst of laughter)
Katon: I think it’s more than six times, man.
Matcab: Yeah.
xfis: Ben knows.
Katon: Yeah, well...
Lewahi: Ben would know.
Katon: What’re you trying to say?
Matcab: Hahaha, okay.
xfis: Ben does know everything.
Lewahi: Hmhmhm.
Katon: ...why so, why so glum? Panda bear?
xfis: What is glum?
Katon: Sad, or untalkative.
xfis: I don’t know if glum is a word.
Katon: It is a word.
Matcab: Oh, glum’s a word, I mean, it’s like “down.”
Xfis: I’m gonna go look it up. How does one spell “glum?”
Matcab: G-l-u-m.
Xfis: Okay, so it turns out that I’m wrong. Glum is a word. And now that I feel like an absolute idiot, what did everyone have for lunch?
