Episode 6 - Los Santos, Tribe of Israel
From FaBWiki
Los Santos, Tribe of Israel is the 6th episode of Loids Are Not Christmas. Teddy speaks his first few lines in this episode, but is not detailed until the next episode.
Original Brodcast Date-September 19th
Runtime-21:14
Cast
Script
(In progress)
BEN: So.
MARTIN: Alright, let's start.
BEN: (Inhale) This is...
MARTIN: R-ready?
BEN: Loids are Not Chritmas... Episode six.
NINTEN: Generic voice.
{M1 Title Screen}
NARRATOR: Last time on Loids are Not Christmas, Ninten, Ana and Ana went on a journey through the desert. They flew a plane, they drove a tank, and they flew a tank. And also met Justin Timberlake. This week, what will they do? Um... I dunno, we've got a list here; I mean you can't see it, but I can SO let's progress as we journey into the adventure this week on...
{New intro plays}
MARTIN: Oh, whoa.
BEN: Oh, whoa!
MARTIN: What is-going on?
BEN: Shut up.
LEWAHI: This is new.
BEN: SHUT. UP. (laughing) This is the intro shut up.
NINTEN: I did not approve of this. ...What is this?
BEN: Loids are Not Christmas theme song by Tansunn.
MARTIN: (???)
BEN: By Tansunn.
MARTIN: (???)
BEN: By Tansunn.
{Underground music}
NINTEN: Wonderful. Gee, Loid, I love how we bring in theme songs when it's half over.
LOID: It wasn't--
NINTEN: I thought we were supposed to have a negotiation with NBC early on for like a whole series going down until maybe November, but no. Worse now when you come up with the theme song halfway through. Perfect.
LOID: Actually we have like two more episodes left.
ANA: What are you talking about?
LOID: Oh, silly Ana, I mean Loid, I mean you.
ANA: What?
NINTEN: My contract firmly states, and by firmly I mean justly, and by justly I mean it's on paper and ink that it is twelve episodes.
LOID: What?
ANA: Well, regardless, we need to get out of Heaven because um, I don't think it's my time yet. So, let's just go.
LOID: But Ana, you're here with... (quietly) Jesus.
NINTEN: You mean you?
ANA: Don't even make me do this dance with you, Loid.
LOID: What? I've never danced with a girl before!
NINTEN: I'm really confused.
ANA: This is not kid stuff.
NINTEN: OKAY, well, because you want to sit up here in Heaven and dance with Loid-Jesus, I think that maybe we should go to Youngtown.
LOID AND ANA: OK.
ANA: I went there once on a field trip.
NINTEN: That was really easy to get you guys to do that.
{Youngtown music}
NINTEN: Um, how about I think maybe you should give me your money.
LOID: ...No.
ANA: I-I don't have any money.
NINTEN: ...Oh. Well, crap. Nuggets.
ANA: Wait a minute... Where's all the grownups?
LOID: Why does this place smell like poop?
GIRL: (Cries)
ANA: Oh no, (stammers)--
NINTEN: Oh no, a dying lamb. Quick, get the ointment.
ANA: It's a little girl!
GIRL: (Crying) My mommy's gone!
NINTEN: Oh, well, she's wearing lambskin undies. I mean...
LOID: Shut up.
ANA: You should cover that up, little girl, I mean, that's not very becoming. But, where is your mommy?
GIRL: She's gone! Waaaaaaaaaa...
NINTEN: Put this towel on, that I carry on my wrist and... let's talk.
GIRL: (Sniffles) OK... (cries)
ANA: Um, where did your mommy go?
GIRL: I don't knooowww some ship in the sky took her awayyyy...
NINTEN: It's hard to hear you when you're crying, so if you could please suck it up and then tell us nice and calmly, that would be good.
GIRL: OK... my mommy's gone.
NINTEN: OK. Well--
ANA: OK.
NINTEN: Bye.
GIRL: Wahh...
ANA: I'm sorry.
LOID: Anyway, uh, what are we going to do now, guys?
ANA: Uh...
NINTEN: Beats me, is there a Burger King around here?
ANA: Ninten, we don't have any money.
NINTEN: Loid does.
LOID: I do not, I said I didn't have any moneyyyyyyy!
ANA: We're like ten!
NINTEN: Loid, make us some money. Make it with your magical powers.
LOID: Shut up, Ninten!
NINTEN: At least I tried.
LOID: I'm not Jesus...
{Live House music}
LOID: OH GOD!
{Youngtown music}
ANA: What?
LOID: Nothing.
ANA: Are you sure?
LOID: Yeah.
ANA: You sounded really surprised. Uh, OK. Well, you know, this house looks really big so, maybe there's some food in here.
LOID: OK.
NINTEN: Yeah, there's always food in big houses, like I've seen many times over.
ANA: I don't know, I mean, you never know.
NINTEN: I wasn't being sarcastic, I was in complete agree-ance with you, Ana.
ANA: Oh. Oh. Oh great!
NINTEN: Look, I can be friendly.
LOID: OK, we're going in the house!
NINTEN: Really?
ANA: Oh, there's just a baby in here.
LOID: Hi, baby.
BABY: Hiii!
LOID: You sound like the same baby as last time.
NINTEN: The baby can talk.
ANA: That's not normal.
BABY: I'm a talking baby.
ANA: That is not of this... earth.
NINTEN: You know, it seems to come back into my brain-head that there was one time a baby doll was walking and I hit it with my hand and I got--
ANA: Ninten, don't hit the baby.
LOID: OH! Ninten! Try it again!
BABY: No! Don't hit me! Please!
ANA: No! No don't!
NINTEN: Hit the baby.
BABY: No! NO!
ANA: Don't kick--hit the--
BEN: BASH!
ANA: --The baby.
BABY: (Cries)
ANA: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Oh my God!
LOID: Ninten, you missed! You hit the lamp, you idiot.
ANA: Oh.
NINTEN: Ana's blind, too.
LOID: Yeah, Ana. (?)
NINTEN: Wait, maybe the baby isn't actually talking. Maybe it's all in our heads because we have telepath-y. [Bad prnunciation]
LOID: Telepath-y?
BABY: You are right! Yayyy!
NINTEN: I saw it on Oprah.
LOID: Shut up and let the baby talk.
NINTEN: What is the baby saying?
BABY: I can teach you stuff!
NINTEN: Teach us, baby.
BABY: I will teach you how to teleport!
NINTEN: Are you a, um, baby monkey?
BABY: No. I wish I was.
ANA: How do you-How do you know how to do that, though? You're a baby.
LOID: How about we don't worry about it?
NINTEN: ...OK.
ANA: 'K.
NINTEN: Do it.
LOID: How do we do it?
[Pause]
NINTEN: Teleport me up, Scotty.
LOID: Baby!
ANA: Come on-
BABY: In all your brains.
LOID: What?
BABY: All your brains except Loid.
LOID: What?!
BABY: All of you know how to teleport. Yay!
LOID: WHAT?!
NINTEN: Wow, that was fast. I didn't even feel anything; I was expecting some doctoral procedure or...
LOID: (Crying) Whaaaat?!
{Live House music}
LOID: Oh, crap, again.
{Youngtown music}
NINTEN: Some kind of medication or...
LOID: Wait a minute...
ANA: Maybe there's a chip in your head, I saw that on one show one time.
LOID: OK, shut up, let's gooo... (Still crying) I hate you, baby.
BABY: Bye!
NINTEN: Bye, baby.
ANA: Bye!
NINTEN: We'll leave you in this house to probably die. Bye.
{Bein' Friends}
NINTEN: But maybe you will teleport away to Burger King. OK.
ANA: I think we did good, you guys.
LOID: (Crying) I know, I wanna teleport.
ANA: (Giggle)
LOID: Why are you laughing at meee?
